3 posts tagged “humour”

Video: Share a video that makes you laugh every time you watch it.

Lunch

Just my sick sense of humour I suppose ....

Can't think of much to write today, but I'm here now so I'll post a few quotes I found whilst browsing The Quote Garden.

You may have some idea about my way of thinking after reading a few of them .... maybe.......

Reality .... of sorts:

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.  ~John Lennon

We are born wet, naked, and hungry.  Then things get worse.  ~Author Unknown

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.  ~Author Unknown

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It is already tomorrow in Australia.  ~Charles Schulz

It's always darkest before the dawn.  So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.  ~Author Unknown

It must be hard to be a model, because you'd want to be like the photograph of you, and you can't ever look that way.  ~Andy Warhol

Religion:

The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.  ~Author Unknown

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.  ~Jules Renard

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS from giving money to television preachers?  ~Elayne Boosler

Philosophy:

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.  ~Woody Allen

How do we know that the sky is not green and we are all colour-blind?  ~Author Unknown

Questions.....?

How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?  ~Nigel Rees

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?  ~Author Unknown

'Facts'

There are no facts, only interpretations.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Listening to both sides of a story will convince you that there is more to a story than both sides.  ~Frank Tyger

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident, you begin to worry about history.  ~Author Unknown

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.  ~Woody Allen

I am not a lover of housework, as anyone who knows me will will agree (fervently!).  I have never seen the point of dusting and polishing .... only for the dust to settle again and off you go with another round of dusting and polishing......  So when I read its always in the last place you look for it by EvilWombatQueen, I recognised a kindred spirit.  It made me go searching for an old Quentin Crisp quote, which reads something like - "The trouble with housework is that you do it and six months later it all needs doing again".  I didn't find that particular quote, but during my search I found a page full of 'housework' quotes, from The Quote Garden.

So I thought I would share the quotes I found on 'Housework' that strike a cord with me, and there are quite a few!

There was no need to do any housework at all.  After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.  ~Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant, 1968

My second favorite household chore is ironing.  My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.  ~Erma Bombeck

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. 
~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

If the shelves are dusty and the pots don't shine,
it's because I have better things to do with my time.
~Author Unknown

I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.  ~Roseanne Barr

Don't cook.  Don't clean.  No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate.  Lie down, you hot bitch."  ~Joan Rivers

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office.  ~Heloise Cruse

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up.  The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now.  They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.  ~Dave Barry

They're sure housework won't kill you, but why take the risk?  Author Unknown

Nuff said?

Beach